Live for Life

Spune NU tolerantei!

2009-03-31T14:20:00.005+03:00

Imi spune aseara: "Ce rele's femeile!"... asta pentru ca am zis despre una ca e pipita maritata care se da la prospaturi prin cluburi, despre una (alta) ca o cred usor labila psihic si despre una (alta2) ca o cred taranca care se spala la lighean, dar se da mare cunoscatoare de branduri. "Esti putin toleranta."

O, da! Sunt! Asta era si ideea! De ce sa hranesc incet si sigur o orgoliul unor idioti care au pareri nefondat de bune despre ei insisi, care isi permit sa aiba mersul apasat si hotarat, cand n-au rostit in viata lor o parere pe care sa poata sa o argumenteze cu alte cuvinte decat " pentru ca asa spun/cred eu"? Care, desi au toate sansele unor mari oameni, ajung niste mari incompetenti ... De ce sa tolerez persoane care nu au nimic de spus? Sau care sunt excesiv de indragostite de ele insele, din dorinta de a-si infirma nesiguranta existentei lor?

Ceea ce ma face rea. Desi imi place mai mult termenul de"rautacioasa"...ca pana la urma e doar o parere, nu vreau raul nimanui, ca sa fiu "rea"... Si ma vreau pe mine rautacioasa, si intoleranta, dar sa stiu ca n-am umflat pe nimeni in pene aiurea intr-o chestie, pentru ca mai apoi sa se simta buricul pamantului in toate chestiile. Oamenilor prosti tre' sa li se zica in fata ca's prosti. Asta ar fi probabil "foarte putin tolerant". Si ideal. Eu n-am ajuns inca la nivelul asta. Deocamdata ignor oamenii pe care nu-s dispusa sa-i tolerez. Iar pe cei pe care pare ca ii tolerez acum, de fapt nu-i cunosc asa de bine :))) E valabil si pt. cei pe care ii ignor. Si am uitat sa spun ca sunt si persoane la care I look up to. Si pe alea le iubesc, nu doar le tolerez.

Good-bye, my love, good-bye

2009-03-02T16:34:00.002+02:00

Gata, s-a dus... Ne-am inteles foarte bine timp de 2 ani si jumatate. Stie totul despre mine si despre persoanele din viatza mea. I-a pacalit pe toti ca a avut camera foto, dar n-a avut! Si nici nu i-a trebuit! Acum am alt telefon, care ma depaseste total ca tehnica si, desi ma amuza cu diverse optiuni, mi se pare foarte neprietenos. Sunt o conservatoare!

Hai, sa-ti ghicesc neamule...

2009-03-02T13:40:00.002+02:00

Sub impulsul calatoriei, a momentului, a nebuniei, am zis: hai, mah, sa-mi zica si mie!
Executive summary:
- viata lunga: 80-90 ani
- 2 copii: 1 baiat si o fata
- 1 singura casnicie si 2 mari "dragosti"; una din ele ma va urmari toata viata
- 2 salturi financiare majore (oare deja s-a intamplat vreunul dintre ele??? sper ca nu!!!)
- persoana realista (yeah, sure!!)
- probleme de sanatate: gineco, spate, stomac, tiroida (cam multe...)
- mor de batranete
- fara incidente majore
...plus o tona de generalitati valabile pentru toata lumea.
O tzeapa cum nu mi-am mai luat de ceva timp.... :)))
Acum pot sa ma duc sa ma arunc in fata trenului, sa vad daca avea dreptate :)))

Short update

2009-02-24T18:51:00.003+02:00

Planul a luat-o razna...era o melodie cu "lately, what's on my mind..." lalalala...
In utlimele 2 luni:
- am decoperit ceaiul negru; big crush; cu un strop de Cointreau, creeaza dependenta;
- am avut 2 Revelioane, ambele din perspectiva total noua;
- am baut sampanie "imprumutata" la unul dintre ele;
- am hotarat ca nu-mi mai vopsesc parul;
- am 3 bratari noi; hippie; pe care inca nu le-am dat jos;
- am vazut filmul cu cele mai multe Oscar-uri; mare realizare;
- am adormit in sala de cinema la un alt film;
- am fumat :D;
- am hotarat ca imi doresc un an colorat si este primul an pentru care nu am planuri concrete; just chillin' through;
- am descoperit cea mai frumoasa cafenea ever;
- am cele mai linistite vise; incat nu mi le mai amintesc a doua zi :);
- am spus "NU" de vreo cateva ori; iarasi mare realizare;
- am descoperit ca unii oameni au uitat de unde au plecat;
- am decoperit ca unii oameni habar n-au daca traiesc in realitate sau in lumea lor;
- mi-am luat bilete macar la un concert din cate imi doresc;
...si n-am facut mai nimic de pe lista cu "101 things to do before I die"

"Ce-ai face daca nu ti-ar fi frica?"

2009-01-05T16:25:00.002+02:00

Leapsa preluata pe cont propriu (pt. ca nu stiu cum sa pun link :D):

http://bucurenci.ro/2008/12/ce-ai-face-daca-nu-ti-ar-fi-frica/

Eu mi-as da demisia azi si as pleca in tarile din lumea a treia in scopul binefacerii. Mi se pare un scop mult mai nobil decat sa ma straduiesc sa imi platesc ratele la masina. Sad.

Luati leapsa!

P.S. un an "curajos" sa fie atunci! :)

Today's wrong Christmas thought

2008-12-18T15:04:00.006+02:00

Ascult Placebo azi. New entry in my playlist. Imi da o stare de dirty soul si ma apasa. Ridic ochii si ma uit in jur. Majoritatea feletor pe care le vad in primele 5 secunde ma enerveaza. Mai demult credeam ca face bine la creier si la suflet daca esti nice cu toata lumea. Think nice thoughts! It will get back to you some day etc...bullshit-uri din astea. Acum nu ma gandesc decat ca e a total waste of energy trying to be nice with ppl you don't care about. Doar pentru ca un sistem de kkt ne-a adus impreuna, nu inseamna ca tre' sa ma port ipocrit. Ba mai mult, as putea chiar sa iti zic ca mi se pare ca ai o fata de kkt...nununu, nu fata in sine. Expresia ei. Ar trebui la intreviurile de angajare sa iti aduca viitorii colegi in fata, sa vezi daca iti plac expresiile fetelor celor cu care vei lucra.

Nu inteleg adunarile comuniste de la munca, gen Christams party-uri sau teambuilding-uri, unde se impune prezenta. WTFF!!! Mereu am zis ca asftel de reuniuni ar fi mult mai reusite daca prezenta ar fi optionala: oamenii aia au venit voluntar, deci isi doresc sa fie acolo, deci vor da their best.

Dupa ce ca vad niste expresii care ma umplu de draci in cea mai mare parte a zilelor mele, mai trebuie sa le suport si in timpul meu liber. Nu! In timpul meu liber vreau sa stau cu oamenii care imi plac mie, care mi-s dragi, pe care ii iubesc, pentru care lupt, pentru care as muri si care imi fac viata. Nu vreau sa fiu mai buna si mai nuj cum de Craciun, si mai ipocrita implicit, sa arunc zambete aiurea in stanga si in dreapta. Vreau sa fiu eu! Si mi se rupe daca se sparge bula in care toti oamenii isi pun toate gandurile. Macar atunci voi sti ca si ceilalti zic de mine la fel si am fi chit :)

Funny :))))

2008-12-17T09:48:00.002+02:00

http://www.cabral.ro/despre-altii/2378/doamna-cu-umedul
http://www.cabral.ro/despre-altii/2451/domnul-cu-prezervativele

Fucked up people in a fucked up world

2008-12-16T16:07:00.009+02:00

Azi la bucatarie, luam cafea. Intra o reprezentanta de la HR. Surprinde discutia, total nevinovata, despre parcari. Si ea, care oricum nu era inclusa in discutie, concluzioneaza: "Sunteti penale!" WTF!?!?! Cine dracu' te crezi, dupa ce imi dai mailuri cu "code of conduct" si alte datini corporatist-comuniste, sa imi zici mie ca-s penala??? Nici macar faptul ca imi monitorizezi discutiile pe chatul de la munca, intra-adevar penale (unele dintre ele), nu-ti da dreptul sa faci asta; pentru ca eu n-ar trebui sa stiu ca te ocupi cu asa ceva ;)

Mi-a venit in minte mailul primit acum cateva zile:

:))))

To : All Romanian Speaking Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Romania that offensive language is commonly used by our Romanian Speaking staff. Such behavior,in addition to violating our policy, is highly unproffesional and offensive to both visitors and staff.All personel will imediatly adhere to the following rules:

1.Words like futui, in **** mea, **** and other such expressions will be not tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2.You will not say si-a bagat **** when someone makes a mistake, or s-a cacat pe el if you see someone being to be reprehended, or baga-mi-as, when a major mistake has been made.All forms and derrivations of the verb a se caca and a se fute are utterly inappropiate and unacceptable in our enviroment.

3.No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be reffered to as **** de om, cacanaru” or boul.

4.Lack of determination will not be reffered to as pulalau nor will persons who lack initiative be reffered to as muiangiu.

5.Unusual or creative ideas offered by managment are not to be reffered to as porcarii.

6.Do not say futu-ti mata if somebody is persistent;do not add **** mea, if a colleague is going trough a difficult situation. Futhermore, you must not say am pus-o (refer to item 2) nor o sa ne-o traga when a matter becomes excessively complicated.

7.When asking someone to leave you allone, you must not say dute-n **** mea or should you ever substitute “May i help you?’” with, ce **** mea vrei ?

8.Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners bosorogi imputiti.

9.Do not say ia mai mereti-n **** cu cacatu” asta when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer futute-n cur when your assistance is required.

10.You should never call customer representatives as boul dracului or tampitu” ala.

11.The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as a pizdulica buna, futaciosu” or homalau” lu peste.

12. Last but not least, aftre reading this note, please do not say ma sterg la cur cu textu asta.
Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.”

About being "marriage material"

2008-12-11T16:57:00.007+02:00

De cateva luni (vreo 3 cred) mi-a intrat in vocabular (mie si altor cativa), mereu cu titlu de gluma (sau nu:)), expresia "marriage material"...mai exact, "you're not marriage material". Totul a pornit de la o discutie legata de skillurile in ale gatitului - nu le ai, nu esti marriage material - era concluzia tipului care a scos duma. Fine with me! Ca doar nu calitatile de bucatareasa cu sort in brau si parul prins cu funda in varful capului ma fac o nevasta mai buna sau mai proasta. Asta, pt mine, pentru voi...h-abar n-am! Da, deci stiu macar un motiv pt care nu sunt marriage material: gatitul. Si culmea e ca eu stiu sa gatesc! Chiar stiu. Si cand o fac pentru prietenii mei, mereu se lasa cu aprecieri pozitive (fara lipsa de modestie). Si chiar daca stiu cum sa-l practic, gatitul ramane in continuare un motiv pentru care nu sunt marriage material, din simplul motiv ca pentru mine "marriage material" nu include notiunea de femeie cu preocupari culinare. Daca stii sa gatesti, ai toate sansele sa devii o bucatareasa minunata, dar in nici un caz " a wonderful wife".

De exemplu curvette, spunea ca pentru ea barbatul ideal "e cel cu bani nemunciti (cei cu bani multi si munciti negociaza), care nu e violent, eventual l-a parasit nevasta si e anesteziat ca o cirpa, cel care plateste fara sa comenteze si prezinta ejaculare precoce" (prostitoata ca si ocupatie).

Pentru mine, conditia nr.1 este sa stie de care capac ar vrea sa fie, in cazul in care ar fi un capac :))

Va invit sa votati, ca am deschis poll! Fie ca o faceti din amuzament, fie ca aveti criterii dupa care o faceti, fie ca vreti sa va mintiti singuri :P

...and don't forget: Life for life! (not for marriage :P)

LE: Primul vot e al meu! ;-) doar pentru ca am observat ca pot vota si eu :D

Selfish meaningfull non-sense

2008-11-15T12:38:00.010+02:00

It's all happening right now. It's happening before I go to bed and in the morning, when I wake up. Simply called it "no ordinary mornings". I don't actually remember the falling asleep moment, 'cause the overwhelming feeling is just stronger than my next day memory. I cannot even remember things chronologically...just flashes...for some time I thought that it can't even be put into words; decided to give it a try though.

You decide you don't have a plan and let the instincts guide you...hmmm...crosses my mind: are we animals or what? simply stroke me: instincts can lead to smooth happenings. The plan you didn't even have goes crazy, 'cause it's beyond imagination. Things which I would normally consider inappropriate, not by the rules and without any anticipated outcome were now natural. And natural is good. So good that you can actually feel it (the "good I mean) flowing slowly through your veins. Put on the good self, let only the right part of the brain think, get a hedonistic approach, and just live for life! There is a story; which loses all of its charm if told. But believe me: it's something magical about it, and I take the greatest risk of all, accepting that it could all be in my head. And suddenly, looking back I feel like rewriting some posts :-)

I have a friend who thinks that only people with alive demons (in a bad way) have blogs (obviously she doesn't have one :-)). Tried to convince her that it's not like that, but I am seriously thinking whether I should keep writing or not. Maybe I just wanna just keep living everything without any trace...

Let me tell you a secret...

2008-10-24T10:36:00.004+03:00

I think I've found my alter ego. Alive, on this Earth. However, he's much better than me :))))

Line for today

2008-10-21T17:17:00.003+03:00

For sure not one of those days to rise above the feelings of the moment... faked it big time

Do you know when to stop?

2008-10-17T16:20:00.004+03:00

Uneori inceputul vine de la sine. Simti ca asa trebuie sa faci, ori iti spune instinctul ori circumstantele dicteaza, ori ai un plan si te tii de el. In orice caz incepi. Evoluezi, mai deraiezi de la drum, mai stai prin parcare pe avarii. Incepi sa te uiti in jur. Oameni si intamplari. Pana la urma si altii au inceput deja. Incerci sa citesti semnele, you need feed-back. Incepi sa te intrebi daca sa continui sau nu. Poate e mai bine in parcare. Sau poate vrei sa iesi inapoi pe drum si sa faci prima la dreapta, decat sa mergi inainte. Cumva iti dai seama ca exista si suflet, nu doar creier. Auzi de mindset. Apoi de heartset. Nici macar nu stii ce's alea bine si alti oameni vorbesc de balance between them. Read the signs, listen to your heart, think clear and stop when you fell there's nothing to fight for in what's worth. But how do you know what's worth?Chiar si asa, s-ar putea sa vrei sa continui. No problem, as I've said it before, failure is good. Adauga inca o experienta la cele 3 din viatza ta. But then again, how big is your fail? How much pain does it cause? Will it break you? Will it make you?

On "can't wait" things

2008-10-16T16:04:00.003+03:00

It happens sometimes to "can't wait" for some things to happen. You know what it is about, that it will please you to see them happen, make up stories around, building dreams before falling asleep, making scenarios with friends, letting slip some little fears...totally enjoyable. But it may happen to think too much about it and when it finally happens to feel no joy at all 'cause you've already lived within yourself all it was to live about. Nothing to be surprised of anymore... That's why I hate planned things! Hate them!

Postponing reloaded

2008-10-15T20:01:00.003+03:00

Meeting Bob today for lunch made me feel just like my second post on this blog...we were trying to catch up on things, OUR things, and ended up catching up with our friends' things, because we postponed some LIVE and some LIFE. Sad enough (and I am speaking for myself now, I don't know about Bob), considering that I've been here before...

101 Things to do before I die list

2008-10-14T21:23:00.007+03:00

Ever tried to make one? I tried it last night, under the impulse of shading some light over what's important for me...got to no.25...strange how, after all the dreams, I managed to get out only 25 big things....maybe I should move to the small pleasures of life for the next 76 ones :)

Intre ciocan si nicovala

2008-10-09T10:44:00.005+03:00

Sunt uimita de la atata lipsa de profesionalism. Pana si cei urcati pe piedestal dezamagesc. Where's the ethics? Where's the role modelling? How do people actually do business? What world are we living in?

Vital signs: air&water

2008-10-07T09:19:00.018+03:00

Almost same day every day. Wake up at 6.00, come back at 0.00. See same people during the day (which I don't even like), see the ones I love in the evening. Much less sleep. Too many thoughts. Tired. I see at least a plane taking off every day. Sometimes I think I just need a ticket to anywhere. Only the deep inner soul started living lately. Passionately and thoughtfully. Maybe too much thinking again. For the first time in 2 years thinking and talking about the damn feeling in which I don't believe anymore. I have a month to clean my heart of all the dirt I've put in these 2 years. There are rocks on which I am climbing and I am wearing shorts. I have no rain jacket, but it's the first time when I don't really care. Left aside the river I was walking along. Hopefully from the upper rocks the river looks even nicer and maybe the fresh air invading my lungs will remind me how important it is to breathe.

Dilemma

2008-10-06T10:54:00.003+03:00

I have a friend who has a friend etc. who's facing a drama that could change her entire life: she has to to choose what to fight for: love in an impossible relationship (the guy is pretty complacent in another relationship, not very decided and confused but loving her in his way) or going with the other one (by whom she feels really attracted to, no past ghosts, available for a commitment). Tough one! Wouldn't wanna be her, really!

On freedom of soul&mind

2008-10-06T00:23:00.003+03:00

A friend told me today about a secret post he read once: "On my wedding day I danced with 2 women: the one I got married to and the one I wished I'd got married to". Strange enough similar situations happen quite often, doing the things not the way we want, not with the ones we want. Of course, we can expand the metaphor and make assumptions on why is the guy marrying the other one, but the morale stays the same. I guess we are all traped in our own webs and we're only gonna be free when we can do whatever we want with whom we want. I haven't yet met such a person.

No high dream today

2008-10-05T15:58:00.006+03:00

Instead of wasted gifts around
Instead of losing all we have
Instead of dreaming of a man you'll never have
You'd better breathe with me and feel...

Instead of planning and debating
Instead of shaping my own dreams
Instead of dreaming of a son you'll never have
You'd better breathe with me and feel...

You can buy me with a coffee
I'm so cheap...

Instead of letting distance talk
Instead of losing all we have
Instead ofdreaming of a man I'll never be
You'd better breathe with me and feel...

Instead of juding day and night
Instead of wasted time on both sides
Instead of guessing what the hell went wrong with me
You'd better breathe with me and feel...

You can buy me wïth a coffee
I'm so cheap...
Urma - Buy me with a coffee

About obsessions

2008-10-04T00:48:00.003+03:00

De 6 saptamani ascult aceeasi melodie. In fiecare zi, mereu pe repeat. It's like I am stuck, but strangely enough lots of things are happening. At least in my mind :)

A post just for myself

2008-09-30T22:55:00.005+03:00

Bday, 25 years, my world, biggggg smile, which I could not erase of my face all day long. The greatest surprise flowers I ever got, the dress I've been dreaming for some time, the perfume I love, and love in all shapes. Some extra mates, some friends not there. In the morning, an apocalyptic image of dying tomorrow and not leaving anything behind, looking back at one of my toughest years, a year of wars&demons. I take the courage to say that I've managed to make friends with some of them, I've managed to make others go away. I keep some others for getting the chance of being myself. Lost some friends, gained some others, loving more the ones I still have. Ended chapters, taken up some new activities. Still silly sometimes, making mistakes. Started blogging, still loving yellow. Decided this is the day when I celebrate my silver wedding, for the 25 years since I came to this world. Still looking for that philosophy of life some (nu dam nume) don't get it (;)). Receiving my first joking-wanna-be-my-wife. Answering the first joking-no-in-fact-yes :). Getting heart aches more often. But, for unknown reasons, gaining from time to time some wake-ups with the smile on my face. Wishing for more, struggling to keep the soul as it is.

UFF - Unidentified Flying Feelings

2008-09-16T16:25:00.007+03:00

Thoughtful day, I try to focus and it doesn't work out...don't know why, but my heart akes. Ironic enough, it's one of those days when I feel like huging and kissing everybody. Maybe just as a compensation. You know, like when you say "I love you" in those moments when you feel it the least. Simt ca nu pot sa fac click pe ziua de azi si imi aduc aminte de un post despre non-sense (Boatca, you started getting quoted quite often ;) ). I am sick of falling in and out, but I get addicted to it. However, today it's "second guess Tuesday", I am only human and that's my saving grace.

Magnificent selfish 9/11

2008-09-12T01:20:00.004+03:00

La inceputul lunii mi-am citit horoscopul. Nu mai tin minte exact cuvintele, dar imi amintesc ca era precizata ziua de 11 sept ca fiind una nemaipomenita, toate stelele aliniate, eu regina lumii si lumea la picioarele mele etc. [si eu, care zambeam in coltul gurii].

Mi-am inceput ziua cum nu se poate mai bine: o ora de som in plus dupa o saptamana jumatate de trezit la ora 6. Condus relaxat pana la client, se anunta o zi profilica....

Ora 10: bushit masina; lovit pe unul in cur. Ora 10.05: realizat faptul ca nu mi-am facut acte noi dupa ce mi-au fost furate in concediu [a se citi: fara buletin sau permis]. Orele 10.10-12: sunat multa lume in incercarea de a face un plan de atac. Control freak. Crisis management execrabil. Orele 12-15: fumat pasiv mai rau decat in cel mai neaerisit club de noapte in biroul unui nene nesuferit care avea un tablou in spatele lui pe care scria: My first billion [si arata un teanc de dolari]. Ganduri peste ganduri la masina mea pe care o ador, de altfel. Orele 15.30-17.30: condus Nemo bushit [cu numarul de inmatriculare lipit cu banda adeziva] pana la sectia de politie; ridicat buletin nou :) [finally]. Orele 18-19: condus catre alta politie [acealsi numar lipit] cu scop de constatare accident. Pe drum vazut RCA expirat! Panica! Cautat back-up plan. Ajuns la politie - program de la ora 21. Gasit back-up plan: constatare amanata pentru maine; falsificare RCA. No back-up plan pentru permisul furat though.

Una peste alta: incheiat ziua cu o cina minunata, un prieten foarte bun, o mama mult prea grijulie. Worst part: maine trezit la ora 6.

Si cate vorbe de duh nesuferite imi vin acum in minte.... "asta-i viatza, se mai intampla", "totul e bine cand se termina cu bine", "stim, la toti ne e greu" si altele....

Dar voi incheia cu ceea ce "a friend who practices distant readings" mi-a zis odata:
"Why are your problems bigger than everyone elese's?"
"Because they're mine!"

Pentru alte natii stiu ca 9/11 are cu totul alte semnificatii. To a certain degree, si pentru mine.

Hard day already....

2008-09-10T11:43:00.002+03:00

Prima mea zi fara tigari. Am hotarat aseara ca astazi sa nu fumez deloc....o zi pe saptamana fara tigari. Rezistat eroic pana la ora 12. Mi se face pofta. Sau vorba unui coleg: "stim, la toti ne e greu..."

Stop patronizing me!

2008-09-10T00:30:00.003+03:00

I hate people who think they have achieved a reasonable level of self-awareness and start patronizing the others. Hey you, smarty, if we're not on the same track, it doesn't mean that yours is better! It's just different! More than this, I have never asked for your piece of advice. The most, we're just exchanging opinions. In the end, everyone draws his/her own line when the time comes.

Riding such a powerfull thing

2008-09-10T00:02:00.004+03:00

Astept de ceva timp sa scriu postul asta...aveam nevoie de putin timp eu cu mine, nu poti sa scrii despre asa ceva printre picaturi, n-ar fi corect...

Acum o saptamana a sosit marele moment. M-am asezat intr-o pozitie cat mai confortabila, cu el langa mine. L-am intrebat tot ceea ce i-ar placea sa-i fac. Mi-a dat indicatii precise si mi-a spus sa am incredere in mine. Am pornit incet. El imi spunea "mai repede". Am facut intocmai si imi cerea parca si mai mult. Incepuse sa imi placa. Vantul imi adia prin par si un zambet ce nu putea fi controlat mi-a aparut pe fata. La un moment dat mi-a spus sa ma pozitionez cat mai frontal si sa apas cat de tare pot eu, pana simt un "click"; se cheama cica "kick-down". "Ai simtit?" "Nu stiu, nu cred" "Inseamna ca n-ai simtit. Mai incearca inca o data!" Si am simtit pentru prima oara ce inseamna "kick-down"; mi s-au inmuiat genunchii, zambeam incontinuu, simteam ca zbor aproape. Mi-a spus: "Acum simti ce inseamna o masina de 200 CP?" O, da! Am simtit! :)

P.S. Thx to the special friend who let me drive his precious-soon-to-be-sold-automatic-car. Nice way to offer a woman new sensations! :)

Anger

2008-09-09T10:27:00.002+03:00

I am so fucking pissed off!!! So pissed off I cannot think of my stuff, because I am thinking how you could act in such a miserable way. To the fact that I gave you a finger and after you took my whole hand, I instinctively gave you my other hand as well. You know what? Fuck you today! Fuck you for shitting on me the way you did! And shame on me for letting you do that!

Ever search for inspiration?

2008-08-28T15:36:00.006+03:00

When I was little I thought that inspiration was only for artists; poets, painters, people who create.
I was thinking these days what are the things that can make a "great life". And I found myself mentioning "inspiration" in the first half of the things on my list. And not in a creative way.
A friend accused me once of being arrogant just because I told him I have dropped the habbit of mingling (of course, it still happens sometimes :)) and that I like to meet only people I find interesting, in the very common sense of the word.
I wondered why biographies are my favourite books. Couldn't find an answer until I realized that I was looking for inspiration.
My mood changes when I just have some little inspiration to live the day, to do my work or to fulfil my pleasures.
I decided today (and wanted to share it with you) that I am officially an insipiration searcher!
Help me if you can, or just join me if you want, or just ignore me if you don't care :)

Is it?

2008-08-28T10:43:00.004+03:00

He told me this morning that love is blind. Really? I mean, I know I am not much of a fan/believer/or faithful to love, but blind?? I sugessted more like a process of autosugesstion, but definitely not blind. Love was blind when I was 16 (if you may call that love), hopefully not now. But who knows? :)

Imi tot revin in minte...

2008-08-25T11:22:00.004+03:00

Am citit in w/e si imi revine obsesiv in minte:

Imagine you are on the death bed, there's nothing more you can do to live your life. And you just wanna be able to answer 4 questions:

Did I dream rich?
Did I learn how to love?
Did I love well?
Am I gonna leave this world knowing I've made a difference?

Probabil n-o sa ma intreb nici cati bani am facut in viatza, nici cat succes am avut, nici cati barbati am avut, nici cate carti am citit, nici cate case am construit. Nu stiu nici daca vreuna din astea 4 de mai sus o sa ma intreb. Dar as fi fericita sa stiu ca am trait incat sa pot raspunde macar la una dintre ele.

Party for two

2008-08-22T17:19:00.003+03:00

Am reintalnit aseara unul dintre oamenii despre care am scris candva pe blog: "Friend no#10: Showing how someone can maintain balance, even when love fails."
E cuceritor in replici inteligente si in adancimea cu care se uita inauntrul lui, dar pe care eu abia acum o descopar. Am incercat sa-l ademenesc cu un picior dezvelit si aratandu-i o inima ranita, iar el mi-a aratat ca ma pot lipi de inima lui cu un sarut pe obraz. Intr-o adunatura de "fratelli people", noi am stat chill, am unduit putin pe muzica veche, cantata live, si am povestit cate o vorba de duh. El s-a uitat la Anna Lesko dupa care mi-a spus: "n-avem nici un motiv sa nu fim fericiti". Eu m-am uitat la unul dintre fratelli si mi-am zis: "probabil nici el n-are nici un motiv sa nu fie fericit". Am plecat linistita spre casa. Nu stiu despre el.

Today's nostalgia

2008-08-22T16:06:00.005+03:00

2 am and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
Brandi Carlile - Breathe

I wish someone I CAN resist

2008-08-22T13:01:00.004+03:00

Mi-am promis in nenumarate randuri ca nu-ti mai deschid usa. Si ca nu te mai primesc pe gratis in patul meu. Si ca n-o sa fug, ci o sa stau aproape de tine pana ma vindec, ca si fumatorii care se lasa de fumat cu pachetul de tigari in buzunar. Si tuh ai ramas langa mine, dar ai revenit in mult prea putine randuri. In cel mai egoist fel posibil, ca un animal care isi tine prada langa el si mananca numai cand ii este foame, nu cand ii este pofta sau cand isi cheama si prietenii la festin. Ma enervezi pentru ca nu pot lupta cu tine. Vreau sa ne batem, sa ne certam, simt sa urlu la tine pentru fiecare pastila cu invelis dulce pe care mi-o bagi pe gat si sa ma mustre constiinta pentru fiecare pahar de apa pe care il beau ca s-o pot inghite. Dar imi dau seama ca cearsafurile mele ti-au soptit ca nu pot sa nu te primesc, atata timp ma lasi sa imi ling ranile pana suprafata se cicatrizeaza usor. Acum ceva timp sustineam, alaturi de o prietena de a mea, ca "I wish someone I CAN'T resist". I know now, habar n-aveam ce mi doresc.

This is not a story about being in love, but about love indeed

2008-08-22T11:52:00.006+03:00

Si m-am tinut tare pana n-am mai putut, si am plans cu tine pana a inceput sa ma doara in piept, si ti-am zis toata durerea pe care n-am zis-o la nimeni, pentru ca acum, oricum, iesea singura afara.

Da, de cand m-ai intrebat "de ce nu eu?", si am crezut ca m-ai parasit si ai renuntat la mine, si mi-ai daramat credinta mea cea mai mare. De fapt nu vroiai decat, ca si mine, sa te reintorci. Esti cea mai mare realizare a mea din ultima vreme, pentru simplul fapt ca mi-ai repus credinta aia la loc. La naiba! Si eu care credeam ca e a mea, construita de mine, cand de fapt am atata nevoie de altii sa mi-o sustina.

Nu mai vreau sa ma reintorc. Asa cum acum stiu ca nici tuh n-ai face-o. Pentru ca uite cat de adanc te uiti la tine acum...I love you for loving me after all these, and I can understand you for not letting me be next to you in your hardest times.

Getting pleasant surprises

2008-08-21T17:52:00.005+03:00

Imi place cand umblu din blog in bolg, sau mai mult, pur si simplu googlesc si dau peste prieteni/amici/cunostinte/oameni de care m-am lovit si eu candva si vad in cate s-au implicat si cate au realizat, ce idei au mai avut si cum s-au tinut de visele lor...am luat aminte:

1. http://www.cloudclimbing.ro/ - am fost, pentru o scurta perioada, colegi de grupa.

2. http://smartini.wordpress.com/ - am fost impreuna la o Scoala de Vara in Viena.

Just to remember from time to time, don't give up on dreams!

Be careful what you wish for!!!

2008-08-18T14:41:00.008+03:00

Acum cateva ore m-am intors din mareaaaa vacanta! Oh, God, what a holiday!!!!

Days 1-7:
Am reusit sa ma deconectez total! Fara net, fara telefoane, fara contacte nenecesare. Dupa 3 zile eram de-a Spaniei! Am ars-o "glamour" la piscina si n-am avut alta grija decat sa ma bronzez pe toate partile in mod egal. Si am esuat lamentabil in a invata sa inot pe sub apa; inca sunt fff aproape: imi iese saritura, ochii deschisi, miscarea mainilor si a picioarelor, dar nu pot ramane nicicum pe sub apa! :))) (deci una din cele de mai sus nu imi iese asa de bine precum cred :D)

Days 8-12:
Am vazut Malaga (pe timp de festival), Sevilla (inlcuding cei mai tari copii negri care mi-au facut ziua/excursia), Granada (including Alhambra) si Gibraltarul (inlcuding the north African shore which could be seen at only 14 km away). Aveam ce mi-am dorit: best friends, relaxing times, sightseeing, sunbathing, liniste si pace. Chiar am concluzionat: cea mai linistita vacanta din toate de pana acum! (a se sti ca toate vacantele mele au fost pline de aventuri, as putea scrie carti, daca as incepe sa dau din casa). Dar....

Day 13:
In ora in care toti prietenii mei imi dadeau ultima sansa de a invata sa inot pe sub apa (a se citi: unul imi repeta cum sa sar, altul cum sa dau din maini, altul ma impingea sa ma duc la fund) au disparut toate portofelele din casa (cu actele si banii din ele), cateva telefoane (al meu nu, ca era cel mai jerpelit), si alte cateva...a se specifica: laptopurile erau pe masa, la fel ca si camera mea foto (tot jerpelita) si acolo au ramas. Pasapoartele au fost scoase cu grija si lasate la vedere. Deh, hoti de treaba! Cu alte cuvinte, exact cand ma grabisem sa spun ca avusesem exact vacanta pe care mi-am dorit-o, am fost lasata brusc fara identitate, bani si cu o groaza ganduri negre legate de birocratia de acasa! Au urmat: excursie in cautarea oficiului national de politie, vorbit spaniola la politie (ca domnii nu prestau in engleza in w/e), declarat in engleza prin telefon si semnat in spaniola pe hartie (fara NICIO investigatie, ca doar era w/e!!!), certat monstru cu cei de la receptie, dormit cu frica in casa ca poate nebunul de a furat se intoarce cu cheia magica cu care a deschis/furat 3 apartamente in acelasi complex si mai imi si da una in cap. Spus ultima rugaciune!

Day 14:
De parca nu era de ajuns ca eram in drum (la 10 trebuia sa check-out si avion aveam la 23.45), am aflat ca erau 3 bombe puse in zona, dintre care una pe plaja langa care eram cazati si una in aeroport! LOL! Idiotii de spanioli nu vroiau sa ne treduca ce ziceau aia la TV, ca sa stiu daca sa imi fie frica sa ies pe strada sau nu! Aia de la receptie ne trimiteau la aeroport ca sa scape de noi, iar noi stiam ca acolo era una din cele 3 bombe! Iar trebuia sa imi spun rugaciunea de adio, just in case!

Finally, am ajuns la aeroport, zborul nu fusese anulat, asa ca am ajuns cu bine acasa. Fara acte sau bani, cu o nota gigantica la telefon, plina de datorii si cu un orgoliu ranit pe care nu l-am putut trata in vacanta! Ma simt ca la un nou inceput. As putea sa ma mai nasc o data si sa consider ca singurele mele "pacate" pe care trebuie sa le spal sunt cele cu care m-am intors din vacanta!

Despre vacanta...

2008-07-28T18:24:00.004+03:00

Am google-it destinatia mea de vacanta. Asta a iesit:

At day:

And at night:

Sangre latino, tapas, Alhambra&Sevilla nearby, best friends, 2 full weeks, sun...

what more could I wish for? :)

S.H.I.T

2008-07-25T14:34:00.003+03:00

In spirit de solidaritate fata de unul dintre blogurile lui Pavel, si fata de un post about shit al lui Boatca, iata ce am primit astazi pe mail:

Si la mai mare!!! :)))

Prima lectie de pictura

2008-07-24T10:56:00.004+03:00

A fost ca intr-un film....cu uncenici care invata sa tina creionul in mana...:)

Timp de 2 ore am trasat linii si am desenat de 15 ori acelasi cub, care a iesit mereu altfel :)

Am semi-invatat sa incadrez cubul in foaia de desen, dar nu am prins nicicum sa redau, macar minimal, unghiurile in care cade lumina :)

Nu a fost "muuullltaaa culoaarree", pt. ca am desenat in creion :)

Am aflat ca o sa fac si modelare in lut, ceea ce mi-a facut seara si mai placuta :)

Si cel mai important...am vazut cum poti invata niste reguli care sa nu iti ingradeasca in nici un fel modul in care simti sa te exprimi...

Who's who?

2008-07-24T10:51:00.005+03:00

El sustine ca tot ceea ce facem ne reprezinta; altfel nu am face tot ce facem.

Eu sustin vice-versa; se poate intampla sa faci ceva tocmai ca sa-ti dai seama ca nu te reprezinta.

N-am cazut nicicum la invoiala...

Tu la care lectie ai lipsit?

2008-07-16T16:59:00.004+03:00

Azi la masa, in compania cea mai placuta si in locul in care imi place cel mai mult sa iau masa, it popped up: la care lectie de viatza ai lipsit cand erai mic? Unii au zis la cea despre valoarea banilor, altii la cea in care te invatza sa mai si taci, altii la cea care te invatza ca nu tot ce zboara se si mananca...

Tuh la care lectie ai lipsit in viatza?

Multaaaa culoareee

2008-07-16T12:45:00.004+03:00

http://estera.org/ N-am vazut culorile mele preferate adunate intr-un singur loc, in asa mari cantitati ca aici. Ma fascineaza deja de 2 saptamani...mi le-am pus pe pereti...

Azi ma duc sa ma fac pictorita amatoare! Prima schita facuta de mine in w/e e de-a dreptul groteasca, disproportionata si ne-colorata (pt. ca e in creion). Am hotarat ca am nevoie de un cadru oficial pentru a stimula dorinte artistice reprimate inca din copilarie: http://www.basildesign.ro/

We like to talk

2008-07-14T10:00:00.005+03:00

Ador discutiile. Mai ales cand sunt in compania ideala. Si ador discutiile cu prietenii mei vechi care imi inteleg punctul de vedere fara sa dau prea multe explicatii si disclaimere. Aseara am prestat din plin pe teme binecunoscute si niciodata epuizate(bile):

1. Amintiri din "tinerete"
Durata: 1.5h
Concluzia 1: Anii cu cele mai prolifice amintiri sunt clasa a12a si anul 3
de facultate.
Concluzia 2: De cand ne-am facut oameni ai muncii nu mai avem timp si, mai ales energie, sa ne construim amintiri.

2.Femeia de cariera
Durata: 1h
Concluzia: Vine momentul cand trebuie sa alegi intre cariera si familie. Nu se pot face amandoua pana in 30 de ani.

3. Depresie de dragoste
Durata: 1h
Concluzia: ....n-am terminat discutia...:)

Revelation of the day

2008-07-10T15:59:00.003+03:00

cred ca am devenit snoaba...

Gained the world and lost your soul?

2008-07-04T16:27:00.004+03:00

"I've gained the world then lost my soul
Maybe it's cause I'm getting old
All the people that I know
Have gained the world then lost their souls"
(Morcheeba - Gained the world)

Aseara m-a vizitat cea mai buna prietena a mea, dupa 2 saptamani in care ne-am tot chinuit sa ne vedem. Am ajuns la 5 minute dupa ce intrase deja, bucuroasa la vestea ca ramane acolo peste noapte. Dinainte sa o pup de bun venit i-am vazut laptopul de servici pe hol..."am de trimis un mail urgent". Ok, desi de cand am incetat sa port eu dupa mine acest obiect al muncii, il vad ca pe un obiect satanist. Povestim o perioada, iar cand sa trimita mailul cel urgent, a mai vazut inca unul fff urgent in inbox. Surpriza: a murit bateria si charger nu avea. Asa ca cea mai buna prietena a mea, pe care n-o vazusem de atata timp, si cu care de cateva zile ne trimtem sms-uri si mailuri de dor, si-a facut bagajul si a plecat acasa sa isi incarce laptopul, cu panica aferenta cauzata de faptul ca nici nu apucase sa citeasca mailul cel mai important pana la sfarsit. Am uitat sa precizez ca era trecut de miezul noptii cand se intamplau toate astea.

Am trecut si eu prin mail-uri fff urgente si lucruri care nu mai suportau asteptare de atatea ori, aproape burned-out (luckily not sick or dead) si tocmai de aia mi s-a rupt inima vazand-o facand asta. Mi-am adus aminte de ea, care mi-a tinut nenumarate predici pe tema cat de mult muncesc eu, cat de slaba sunt ca nu pot spune nu si alte teme de actualitate. Tocmai pt ca stiu si eu si stie si ea ca pretul platit e mult prea mare, chiar are nevoie sa se convinga singura de asta? Poate uneori e bine sa invatam din experienta altora, si mai putin sa o judecam si apoi sa facem exact la fel.

Fog on the horizon

2008-07-03T14:38:00.002+03:00

After a long discussion with my beloved friend, the question popped up: is it reasonable for a 24-years youngster to know what he wants from life? Not to mention, what to expect?

When you realize goodbye is not goodbye...

2008-06-27T11:59:00.002+03:00

When all you wanted to say turned out in words with not enough meaning, when denial is at its highest degree and being natural is not as easy as usual, when only hugs can speak, you just realize that only the stage and roles change...not the actors. I'll be waiting for those e-mails...:)

And all the credit goes to.....

2008-06-26T09:53:00.002+03:00

Nu pot sa inteleg persoanele care din cand in cand (sau mai mereu) mai scapa cate un: "Sunt un prost!" sau din seria..."cat de tampit", "ce idiot sunt" etc. I just don't get it! De cand incepi sa iti cam dai seama ce e cu tine pe lumea asta (ceea ce se intampla prin adolescenta, de obicei), esti capabil sa influentezi cum esti de fapt. Daca ceva nu-ti place la tine, schimbi! Daca nu reusesti sa schimbi, te accepti pana la urma asa cum esti si incetezi sa te mai plangi sau sa faci constatari publice si cersetoare de contraziceri lingusitoare! Nu stiu altii despre ei insisi, dar mie imi place sa fiu Anca Puiu. Pana la urma e rezultatul unor ganduri poate numai de mine stiute, a unor greseli doar ale mele, a unor sacrificii pe care poate nimeni nu le-a vazut niciodata. Eu le stiu pe alea si tot eu ma stiu pe mine. Si daca dupa toate astea tot nu mi-ar fi placut, as fi luat-o de la capat! In the end, all the credit goes to yourself for who you are. What's the point in complaining about who you are?

Love wishlist

2008-06-24T15:09:00.002+03:00

Imi doresc sa vina si sa coloreze cartea mea de colorat si sa imi ceara o cutie noua de creioane atunci cand se termina cea pe care a adus-o de acasa. Sa ma rog sa imi faca parul...si sa mi-l faca...desi a doua zi la servici m-ar vedea colegii si nu el. Imi doresc sa-mi doresc sa nu adorm noaptea pentru ca, daca as adormi, nu as mai simti ca e langa mine, si sa ma certe dupa aia pentru ca nu dorm si ca a2a zi am de condus 400km, ca pe un copil mic. Sa imi cumpere periuta de dinti cu dinozauri dupa lungile mele insistente. Sa incetineasca timpul cand sunt bine dispusa doar pentru a-mi prelungi starea. Sa ma declare the queen of pillow talk, pentru ca stiu ca nu mi-ar tace gura. Sa sufle in cana mea de cafea, pentru ca stie ca dupa aia o s-o bem amandoi. Sa stie de care capac ar vrea sa fie, in cazul in care ar fi un capac. Imi doresc sa aiba imbratisarea magica si habar sa nu aiba ce efect are asupra mea. Sa puna punte intre mine si lume si eu habar sa n-am de ce totul e atat de smooth. Si, mai ales, imi doresc sa nu uite sa ciocane la usa mai intai.

Here's to the friend who made my evening...

2008-06-24T11:17:00.002+03:00

I was impressed that while fulfilling one of your "deferred dreams", there was a moment when you had a thought for me-liking-Patrice...:) Thx!

Bottom line

2008-06-20T15:01:00.003+03:00

M-am hotarat! Bottom line and bottom line: esti singur! si dai si primesti si investesti si te legi si te dezlegi si te desparti si te impaci si iei decizii si te razgandesti si regreti si te bucuri si pierzi, you fail big time, you accept the facts, you improve, you learn so many things, you get wiser, you make friends...they come and go...some of them are for life maybe, you take more and more responsibilities...you grow up old... Dupa ce tragi toate liniile si toate liniile: esti singur...asta in cazul in care nu-i parasesti tuh pe ceilalti..si tot singur te cari! It sucks! Nororc ca am o relatie destul de buna cu mine. Cred ca asta o sa-mi ramana. Vreau sa am o inima de piatra.

Ahmmm, now what...?

2008-06-20T12:07:00.001+03:00

Nu stiu daca ati vazut Iceage...cand in mijlocul aventurii, intr-o liniste nepotrivita, zice animalutul:..."now what...?"...mi s-a intamplat in ultimul timp, incheind un capitol pe care-l asteptam de mult sa se incheie...de parca ar urma raiul, sa imi dau seama ca nu pot vedea dincolo de diversele milestones pe care le-am avut...cata dezorientare! cata nebuloasa! din cauza crengilor, n-am vazut padurea! and yet, inca n-o vad...i guess socializing e cea mai buna solutie in situatia data, I am making time to tell and listen. It will come to me, I have faith!

Pierdut simtul realitatii, caut poveste

2008-05-06T19:42:00.000+03:00

Am luat o pauza. Si mi-am facut timp. Si am lasat gandurile sa curga. Si am zis ce am avut de zis. Si am ascultat. Si m-am lasat iubita (atat cat am putut). Si m-am intrebat. Iar si iar. Si m-am pierdut iar de mine. Si cand am crezut ca m-am gasit inapoi, am realizat ca ma pierdusem si mai tare si, culmea, uneori chiar imi place. Si m-am uitat la desene animate si it stroke me ca toate personajele aveau fete zambarete. Si mi-am dat seama cat imi plac povestile, si ca traiesc intr-una, si ca mereu construiesc cate una: pentru fiecare persoana, loc sau intamplare. Da, da. Iubesc povestile si am hotarat sa mi le si asum.
Obiectiv: caut poveste noua.
Plan de actiune: sambata merg la Campina (cunoscatorii stiu de ce;)).
Concluzia: va veni...asumata, evident!

Friends in just one phrase

2008-04-21T23:03:00.001+03:00

Friend no#1: Being there for me for the past 10 years without judging me once.
Friend no#2: Being able to judge me and get upset when I am wrong without hard feelings.
Friend no#3: Sharing with me all your restlessness and for forgiving me when I cannot focus and listen you all the way.
Friend no#4: Always giving me the felling of "good-old-friend, even though you are miles and years (now) away.
Friend no#5: Always saying the hardest truth to my face, even when I don't feel like hearing it.
Friend no#6: Giving me the most intense feeling of safety anyone could ever give me.
Friend no#7: Being able to offer me push-up's when my ambition is weak.
Friend no#8: Recognizing myself in you sometimes.
Friend no#9: Offering me a chemical attraction so new, strange and pleasant.
Friend no#10: Showing how someone can maintain balance, even when love fails.
Friend no#11: Being the brother I never had.
Friend no#12: Having the sharpest intuition I've ever seen.
Friend no#13: Reading me between the lines, sometimes earlier than I can figure out what I wanna say.
Friend no#14: The secret love I have never consumed.
Friend no#15: The experience I sometimes regret having it lengthened.
Friend no#16: The experience I would never forget.

....enough...from now on we are not talking about friends anymore...

Azi impart imbratisari

2008-04-13T16:19:00.000+03:00

M-am hotarat! Azi am chef sa iau pe cineva in brate! :) De obicei am chef sa fiu eu cea care este tinuta in brate, si ocrotita, si care se alinta spunand "Sunt asa de mic..." si care cerseste niste afectiune. Nu. Azi eu o sa iau pe cineva in brate si o sa ii zic cat de mult tin la el/ea. Ba nu, mai bine ii arat decat sa ii zic... :) Ma simt bine azi. Asa, o stare buna. Sau cum zic de obicei, "am iubire in mine". N-o tin niciodata pt. mine, trebuie data toata-toata. Ma duc!

P.S. Mel, cand ai sa citesti postul asta, ai sa stii de ce am venit azi langa tine si te-am luat in brate! :P

Drawing lines

2008-04-10T23:25:00.000+03:00

Communication...the nowadays cliche and well known engine of relationships...i don't think that there's someone to talk about relationships without even mentioning it and how important it is and how open should we be and how to improve communications skills and how to communicate right etc. actually i think that all we do is drawing lines every day for each communication attempt, drawing limits, trying to stay invulnerable, impose respect, keeping the distance. we are being selective with what we communicate, to whom, when, how. we are doing it instinctive, often based on bias and on wrong perceptions.

it happened to me tonight to want to draw a line and i couldn't. why does it always work the other way around, to draw the lines unwillingly, but not when I want?

Feeling you belong

2008-04-10T15:42:00.000+03:00

Is it for the place or for the ppl? I have no idea. But I've surely found out that there are places and moments when I feel I belong. When a from the whole ME I feel only the ME who's enjoying everything and feels like smilling dumb, with no reason, no goal, no stress, no interruption, no fear. Just flat good feeling. Almost like smoking weed. I would really like to know what drives the feeling, just to make it happen whenever I want. Or I guess that maybe because I have no control over it, makes it so special.

P.S. I love city breaks! :)

Trusting me - trusting you, trusting myself - trusting yourself

2008-04-10T14:43:00.000+03:00

Day 1:
- Are you gonna meet him?
- Probably yes.
- You are selling yourself cheap!
- Why?
- Because I know you won't resist him.
Day 2:
- I did not meet him.
- It's better for you, I am telling you as a friend.
Day 3:
- Sry, have to go! I am meeting somebody.
- I knew you "wouldn't" dissapoint me!
Late SMS:
- You should learn to have the trust that people might not drown , even if they take a swim in deep water. It hurts seeing you not trusting me.
- It's not me not trusting you, it's you not trusting yourself. Still, there are chances for you to grow up.
Day4:
- I have to tell you something: he's the most beautiful man I've ever seen.
- I don't think we should ever talk about this. I don't believe a word of what you wrote the other night.
- Well, your opinion used to be important for me. Hearing you saying this, I don't give a shit about what you think anymore. Let me know when you decide to trust me and we can be friends again.

Author's comment: I realized just now... For me the most important thing in friendship is TRUST. Without boundaries, without any need to prove it, without condition. Is it me how's being naive, expecting ppl to trust me or is just that I should start learning that friendship is not always based on 100% trust?

Random

2008-03-31T01:26:00.000+03:00

It all starts as some small shadows...u still feel u are under control...chill...nice...illusionary...u are still under control...things start to look like people and people start to act like animals...feelings being built up and feelings torn apart...friends whom u have no idea whether they're friends or some freaky nice creatures pretending to like u...drunk...feeling like smoking some weed...senseless...faking happiness and lying yourself that that's how you really feel...strange happenings...kisses...moments when you feel you melt in his arms...ghosts coming back and asking for their rights u stole someday some time ago...hopes for somenthing u cannot even shape...dirty souls...bias...breaking all the rules...not yourself, another self, same life, different shadows...fright...sham...full stop. Thank you, not interested in!

Fake ode to life

2008-03-23T13:46:00.000+02:00

I was thinking the other day about the title I gave my blog which, btw, I created 2 weeks ago. “Live for life!”…actually it’s more a state of mind/life/soul I want to enter than a statement which represents me.

“Life” - so many meanings for each one of us: plans, dreams, hopes, happenings, twist and turns, people, friends, family, questions, answers, achievements, failures, beliefs, myths, bias, soul, body, demons…sooo many things…

Everyone is in a rush. I keep hearing and, most of the times, saying, “I don’t have the time to…” – to meet with friends, to go to the gym, to read a book I bought for Christmas (and we’re in March now), go to see the family in my hometown, to look on the window and see that Spring is here…to do those little things which Life should be made of. And it came to my mind: what am I doing with all my time? Nothing which is actually important to Life. So where is the “Live” part from “Live for Life”?

Motto of this strange period: postponing. Shit! I am postponing “Live”! And SHITTTTT!! I am actually postponing Life!

P.S. It’s Sunday. I stopped working on a 100MB Excel file to right this. Guess what I am going right after I close blogger.com? But I take as a good sign the fact that I still have the brains to realize the things I am doing wrong. But, really, do I?

This is to all of us who forgot how to learn how to Live: It’s not enough to get the “Life” part if you don’t give a shit about the “Live” thing.

Later comment - quote: " I'm only human and that's my saving grace..."

Welcome to myself!

2008-03-13T09:37:00.000+02:00

To be continued....